Pinch Me

What you’re tolerating… and why

“I feel fine enough, I guess… Considering everything’s a mess.”
A perfect line from a great tune by BNL’s. What’s more, these words are appropriate for my thoughts on what we are capable of tolerating in life.

As a coach, one of the questions I field most often from those in positions of leadership follows this line. “How do I move my people past the bland rationalizations of what they see as their “purpose” at work?” Moreover, while most leaders could answer this by first looking into their own actions at work; it is a question that prompts curiosity.

JUST A LITTLE STORY AND IT GOES LIKE…
So then how is it that we adapt ourselves to tolerate just where we are at the moment? What drives this belief which allows me to think, I’ll do my best to exist right where I am at. The narrative kinda sounds like this:

No need to push on to anything else, and why should I? Everything I need is right here. I do well in this state of tolerance as it allows me to bob along in the waves of life.

Sometimes it could be that the ocean is so big that it is quite easy to be content out here in the waves. Yeah, there can be some big freaking waves, and they toss me around, but I eventually get back to floating along. No worse for wear and tear. Did I mention that I may have to deal with a few sharks and jellyfish? I get bit and stung and that sucks, but hell, I’m getting along.

You see, things could be worse. I could begin to do something purposeful and while that would be awesome, who am I kidding? That would only mean another experience of me putting in all that time and effort to no avail, or so I assume. While, for a brief moment, success may be in sight; I will watch it flitter away just like so many times before. And hey, what would be the point of putting myself through that?

One of the takeaways from Peter Senge’s book “The Fifth Discipline”[i] is that when you try to change a system it will resist (and how, baby). As the convention of homeostasis states, all systems love stability. So, thinking about this and how it regards to us, we mere humans, as a system I’m curious. What is it that temps us to tolerate things the way they are? Where, or better yet, what is our prompt to shift, move, run! The question we must ask is; what change are we resisting and where is that resistance coming from?

“people get used to having experts who can solve their problems for them; people can then easily lose motivation to develop their own capacities.”
~ Peter Senge

BUT IT’S SO WARM…
Let’s talk about tolerance. The scary thing about tolerance is that it becomes comfortable. We can cuddle up to tolerance. Share a bowl of popcorn and glom on the couch with it, binge-watching Netflix.

However, something more profound is happening here, something disturbing in the sense that we are making a choice and trying to foolishly justify it.

Compounding that justification is a belief we have created for ourselves that tells us this; “Well better than being angry all the time.” or “I could be making myself out to be the victim of the circumstances of my life and work instead.” And while that is a productive thought, basing our stagnation to pursuing our wants and desires on that premise is not getting us anywhere.

To our credit, we desire to distance ourselves from that bullshit and for a good reason. I mean who the hell wants to be that needy a-hole which no one, and I mean no one, wants to be around? While it is honorable to set our sights on moving past the diminishing, catabolic entanglements of a “woe is me” mentality that may lead to anger and blame; stopping to camp out on the periphery of that mess is not serving us at all.

This type of energy is what tolerance creates. How can you be sure? Due to the proximity of your limiting beliefs that haven’t produced any anabolic purposeful space you can’t be. We still find that victimization and anger come to us with far too much regularity. So yeah, we run back to that “blanket” which rationalizes our weak beliefs fast, and too often.

Ok then.

YOU DONT HAVE TO GO HOME, BUT YOU CAN’T STAY HERE… How do we see our way past this permanent “rest stop?” Through taking a step to maneuver your shift towards bringing some value to someone other than yourself. Hold on a minute you say? Aren’t we supposed to be on about getting you past what once was a rut? Moreover, it is now a freaking canyon of resistance;? Weren’t we on to doing something of value for yourself?

True, but dig this. Our best first step towards becoming aware of where we are and discovering where it is where we desire to go isn’t a difficult choice to make. We can bring benefit and purpose to the intentions of others needs first. It begins with the conscious steps you take to make this happen. And, in turn, enlighten you about the immense opportunities you have to offer… to yourself!

True, but dig this. Our best first step towards becoming aware of where we are and discovering where it is isn't a difficult choice to make. We can bring benefit and purpose to the intentions of others needs first. The conscious shift you partake to make this happen will, in turn, enlighten you about the immense opportunities you have to offer… to yourself!

Setting out on any journey takes an s-load of effort. You will have to fight the comfort of self-tolerance, and as Senge tells us, it will challenge you back dude. Hard.

You will need to share your intention with those who believe in you so don’t go all rogue. Your showing the world “I’ve got this” isn’t the angle you’re looking for right now. The world already thought you might have it in you. Don’t hedge, know that there is a way up that you deserve, so acknowledge the greatness in your ability and get there.

Cool? Good. Now ditch the blanket.

[i] https://www.slideshare.net/traianbruma/the-fifth-discipline-handout